Telemarketers, Make My Day

My pet peeve is that (in this country at least) they begin by asking "How are you today" as if I'm likely to put up with an unwanted interruption just because they ask how I am.

As for stringing them along, I don't do that. My two main approaches are: "Look, we have an emergency here and the police have asked us to keep the line clear, so please hang up and don't call back" or "It's a bad time. We're trying for a baby and my wife has just started ovulating, so we're busy."

At least it gives them something to talk about.
Kerry

In your telemarketers article, you mention the hanging up sound. Well, we have a phone in our house that has a mute button, which infuriates my friends to no end when I press it, as it sounds just like a hanging up click. Instead of actually hanging up, you could just press the button, listen to the scream, and then hang up. Even more satisfaction. Maybe I'll try that!

Anyhow, great article!
-Tom LaGatta

Reform School

If cynicism if going to replace political satire, just quit. Undoubtedly the worst piece of drivel I've read that wasn't written by a Democrat speach writer. You sound like James Carvel.

Smoke a good cigar and re-evaluate your direction. You shot and missed the entire barn with this one.

If you meant half of what you said, you have a left coast streak a mile wide. If it was meant to be humor, dump the Lenny Bruce approach to shock humor.

Brent N. Winkelman

Cynicism is a perquisite to satire. Satire without cynicism is like a metaphor without...whatever.

It's always amusing when people think I'm a lefty. Or, for that matter, when they think I'm right-wing. I'm libertarian, which means they're both right, and they're both wrong.

I've always Carvel found entertaining in a goofy sort of way, but I've never been compared to him and Lenny Bruce in the same e-mail before. Thanks, you made my week.

Hi Dave,

While I agree with you about the increasing sameness of the Democrats and Republicans as they beat a path to the middle of the road, I doubt Jesse Ventura is the right candidate to make road pizza out of them. His election was less an endorsement of his specific views than a victory for "none of the above." We like politicians who say what they really think as long as we agree with them. In the case of Ventura, the comment about organized religion makes him unelectable at the national level. Like it or not (and despite all the hand wringing from the religious right about how we've descended into godlessness, etc.), this is the most religious nation in the industrialized world. Church attendance is higher here than anywhere in Western Europe, including Italy and they've got the Vatican smack in the middle of the country. Couple that with the fact that voter turnout is skewed heavily toward older, conservative and more religious citizens and Jesse is out for the count in any national election.

Clearly, his remarks on this issue were off the mark. While some segments of the religious community appeal to weak willed, simple-minded and often brain dead people, his condemnation was too general. For every Bible thumping, put your hands on the radio, we'll tell you what to think, fundamentalist preacher, there are truly enlightened spiritual leaders trying to make sense out of our common human experience. For example, I recently watched an interview with the Dalhi Lama. I was struck by his compassion, strength and vision. Are all Buddhists weak willed?

Jesse for President? I don't think so.

Keep up the great articles. You've found your calling as the curmudgeon's curmudgeon.

Scott

Although I'm not a believer, I like Buddhism. The philosophy makes sense, the deity is optional, and it makes it cool to be a fat guy.

I haven't reached curmudgeonhood yet, but I'm working on it. I've got cynicism down pat, but that's too easy; Starbucks is full of twenty year old cynics. I'm working on being a full fledged curmudgeon, but it will be a few years, at least, before I perfect it. Then, and only then, I'll be able to work on my real goal: becoming a genuine misanthrope.

 

Smokers More Honest, Better at Math than Non-Smokers

This has to be one of the greatest pieces I have ever read. And I so agree with you. Both my husband and I smoke and have for eons - and have a great sex life. As to impotence. Well, we have a 15 month old daughter and she was conceived because of one night of "unprotected" enjoyment. BTW at the time of her conception I was 37 and my husband was 42.

Keep up the good work

Gabz

Flush Twice

I'm currently looking for a really old loo -- the type with a large cistern and a dangling chain -- but purely for aesthetic reaons. Next time you go to Canada -- for a crap or for humidor re-stocking -- how about returning with a couple of decent-sized cisterns in the boot?

BTW, is there *any* subject you do not have a strong opinion on? Anything you are *not* prepared to rant about? Just curious..... :-)

Alex

Dave,
This works on so many levels.
1. I have to replace my toilet in our 100-yr- old house pretty darn quick
for about the same reasons you mentioned.
2. I own a canoe. Haven't been able to use it too much, though.

If only we could get Algore to refine his campaign slogan: What does America want? A decent flush. (That, and probably *one* channel on cable that is showing something decent on Saturday night). How will we get it? By opening a big dam bunch of water for public use.

Keep up the good Chronicles.
cheers,
molly

The Frog and Peach

It would be funny if it weren't so tragic! I've been voting since Johnson/Goldwater and I don't think I've ever voted for a winner. Makes me think better of Nevada to know that they have the NOTA thing. Desperately needed here.

Carry on!

Cheers,
Bev

Telemarketers, Make My Day

In your telemarketers article, you mention the hanging up sound. Well, we have a phone in our house that has a mute button, which infuriates my friends to no end when I press it, as it sounds just like a hanging up click. Instead of actually hanging up, you could just press the button, listen to the scream, and then hang up. Even more satisfaction. Maybe I'll try that!

Anyhow, great article!

-Tom LaGatta

Live is Like a Box of Lawsuits

Funny how Adam didn't seem to think twice about his "Deep Thoughts" section. I wonder if he'll be hearing from 'Jack Handy'. Of course, he could always deny having ever watched 'Saturday Night Live'...

Carmen A. Natalie

PS - Lawyers are Vermin and the ruination what was once a free America.

Seven Words You Can Never Say on a Canoe Trip

When noted Macintosh programmer and software entrepenuer Mark Kanter was about 10 years old, his mother drove my mother somewhere w/ Mark in the car. Some driver was just sitting in the middle of the street, waiting for something, so Mrs Kanter stuck her head out the window and shouted "move your G-ddamn ass." My mom questioned the use of such language in front of the youngster and was told "He's going to have to learn to drive one of these days."

--
TTom

Roadrunner - We Suck Faster

As a former RR user (since RR became RR) I can only agree with you. I now live in Florida and have an ADSL. Fast, reliable, good tech support. Unfortunately, RoadRunner is due here sometime in the "near" future. Everyone I talk to says it will be better than ADSL. I think not. If I ever move back to Ohio I will get RR again (I do like the speed, when it's working), but my bitching about down time will now include a comparison to ADSL. It's too bad we are all hooked on "speed." Maybe, in our wildest dreams, Road Runner will some day get hooked on us.

Tek

hittman:

  It's uncanny how similar your experiences with RR are to mine. I used to think Microsoft and AOL had poor tech support until I started dealing with these people. We actually considered using RR at work for some VPN connections to remote sites. A few of us started bringing in horror stories from home and that was the end of that.

Tim

Not The End Of The World

Re: The comment "Some places were without power for weeks. A few people drove their trucks to unaffected areas, bought up every generator in sight, then returned and sold them for three times retail. They earned a few bucks and the eternal contempt of their neighbors."

Of course, those folks never thought to get off their asses and buy a generator, did they? :)

Why should those people hold those with foresight in contempt? The roads were just as impassible and gas just as hard to get for those who took the risks to go buy generators. I guess it's easier to hold contempt (emotion) than to think (reason).

If I'd been so stupid to live in such a climate (which I have, and have a retirement place in Montana which has just dirt roads and awesome blizzards) I'd be thankful that someone risked their neck, their truck and their cash (it could have been for naught) to get what I needed.

Best,

Tom

I have to say you have great insight and I certainly agree with you. I was in the grocery store one night and a lady had a buggy full of milk. As she was paying the cashier she commented she was preparing for the Y2K bug. The cashier promptly stated that he didn't believe it would be all that bad. She replied "We'll see.." The first thing that came to my mind was how does she plan on keeping the milk from going bad when EVERY THING fails? Then I thought she probably had a bunker built with underground fuel tanks to run the generators to keep her milk frozen until she needs it.

I wonder how many people have sold all their stocks and spent their savings on "the end of the world" a.k.a. Y2K survival. It's a real shame.

Covert Nelson

What you wrote in your last paragraph rings true. Americans need another war, if you will, to help us focus as a country. In this case we're fighting our own stupidity, laziness, and short sightedness, instead of dropping some bombs on an underdevloped nation.

Don Howe

Defiantly the best Y2K article I have seen to date . The common sense and down to earth approach to the reality of what might happen is, I must say quite reassuring

Daniel T. Naylor Sr.

For the most part you are absolutely correct I commend you for putting it so succinctly. Only one comment there may be no disasters anywhere but I agree with you the Media will blow it out of proportion. I am a retired computer programmer and my personal view of the Y2K problem was invented by people that wanted to write books and make careers out of predicting doom and gloom. Good work.

Robert L. Savage

I LOVED this page!!! I am forwarding to lots of friends. I keep hoping that a little light of reason will penetrate some skulls soon. I particularly liked that part about LRN's who can do math. I keep waiting for the media to publicize THAT, TOO, but they are too busy stirring up insecurities among the masses!

This was well written, and thoughtful, too. Thanks for taking time to put your thoughts down!