The left and the right disagree on most issues. Usually, one side is right and the other is wrong. Quiet often, both sides are wrong. There have been rare instances where both sides agreed, but on side reached the right conclusions for the wrong reasons. But in my forty years as a political junky, this is the first situation I’ve seen where both sides had very different reasons for reaching the same conclusion and both were bang-on correct.

The left saw the bailout as history’s worst example of corporate welfare, a trillion dollar reward for greed and incompetence that will bankrupt the country. The right saw it as economic meddling on an unprecedented scale which is guaranteed to have horrible results and deadly unintended consequences. Both sides are absolutely, unequivocally correct.

This should disabuse every American citizen of the idea the congress works for us. Some people still held on to that quaint notion even after congress handed the recoding industry the gift of the DCMA. They still believed it when the weasels rewrote the law to make it virtually impossible for people to declare bankruptcy, a gift to the banking industry at the expense of their victims. But neither of those laws generated a citizen’s response anywhere near the reaction to the bailout.

Congress was inundated with an unprecedented number of e-mails and phone calls. When I wrote to my weasels their servers were timing out under the load. This bill united Americans like no other issue – the response was reported to be 300-1 against the bailout. And under this crushing wave of responses, the clearest mandate congress has ever received, against the virtually unanimous demand of the American people, they passed it.

The house failed to pass the first $700,000,000,000 bill by a mere 12 votes. That’s pathetic, considering the will of the people, but at least it was blocked. The senate, undaunted by the demands of the people they pretend to represent, created their own bill, in direct violation of the constitution, which states that all appropriations bills must originate in the house. The larded it up with another $100,000,000,000 worth of pork, passed it by a 75% margin, then kicked it back to the house, who, salivating at the new bacon, passed it as well.

If anyone still believes we have a representative government I will personally sponsor them for the Special Olympics.

Our wonderful presidential candidates proved beyond contention that they are lying weasels just like the rest of them. The Lord Messiah Obama, Mr. Change himself, helped sign this into law. McCain, who promised to stop the pork, also gleefully signed it.

I’d like to put on my size 11 steel-toed work boots, travel to Washington, and kick every one of these useless scumbags in the left testicle. Then start again, aiming for the right. Then once more, aiming for the middle, just in case I missed the first two times. I’d force the female members of congress to have a painful sex-change operation at their own expense, then kick them in the nuts. Then I’d take off the boots and pass them to the next citizen in line, a line of three hundred million people.

But since that fantasy is impractical, I urge everyone to do the next best thing and fire the bastards. Find out how your weasel voted, and if they voted for this abomination, start campaigning against them, immediately. Vote for their opponent, no matter how pathetic he or she may be. If we can’t kick these vile dirtbags in the nuts, at least we can kick them out of office.