One side effect of working in retail off and on is my deep hatred of Christmas carols. Most stores play an endless loop of the same ten or twelve songs until you want to stand on the counter and scream “Turn This Crap off!” This reaction is is generally frowned opon by most employers.

The songs are mostly insipid, but I’ve noticed a disturbing trend this season. They’re now playing more and more that are overwrought, over sung, full of over emoting or belted out like the singers life depended on it. They’ve taken something horrible and made it even worse.

“I’ll have a blue, blue blue blue, bleuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu, bloeuoooooowwwwwwoooowwwwwooooooo, blue blue Blewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, Christmases, whehhehethout {ridiculously long pause} youooooooooooOOOOOOooooooooOOOOOOOoooooo.”

When shopping I don’t usually notice the canned music unless it’s something horrible, and this crap is beyond horrible. Note to retailers: If you want me to leave the store very quickly, keep playing this dreck and I’ll find a competitor with better taste. The only thing that will make me leave your store faster is playing rap.