Thailand’s Assumption University (yes, that’s their real name) asked 2400 teenagers if they were planning on having sex on Valentine’s day. 27% of them said “yeah, maybe.”

Bangkok police, armed with the knowledge that teenagers never lie, especially about sex, are springing into action. They’re going to turn all the lights on at public parks, tell parents to make their kids come home early, and check cheap motels. They’ll be sending patrols to parks, restaurants and shipping malls, no doubt practicing the ancient oriental secret birth control technique of jumping out from behind something and shouting “Hey, stop that!”

There is no evidence they’re considered changing city’s name to something less suggestive.