Today is Blasphemy Day because, well, just because.  The religious have a plethora of holidays to choose from, so why shouldn’t atheists, apostates and blasphemers have their own day as well?

The Capital Region Atheists & Agnostics meetup group will be celebrating, of course.  Our dinner table will be decorated with butter sculptures of Christopher Hitchens, Richard Dawkins and Eddie Izzard.  The meal will be baby-back ribs, made from real babies.  (Contrary to popular belief, humans do not taste like chicken.  They taste like pork.)  We’ll wash it down with the blood of Christians and Muslims.  (Believers’ blood is available at any good Jewish deli, if you know who to ask.)  Once we’re stuffed (we’re all gluttons, of course) we’ll start the orgy, which will consist of sex with goats and ducks.  (I’ll only have sex with female goats because I’m not gay.  (Not that there’s anything wrong with that)).

Because this was put together with short notice, we may have trouble getting the blood and the babies and the butter sculptures.  We are, however, planning on a debaptism ceremony, conducted by whoever happens to be wearing the best atheist t-shirt at the moment.  It’s a simple procedure: ceremoniously removing the last remnants of any long-evaporated baptismal water with a hair drier.  (Hey, it makes just as much sense as any other religious ceremony.)

One of our members pointed out that Christians who use blow dryers may inadvertently be debaptizing themselves every time they get out of the shower.  Watch out, believers.  Your God sends people to hell for the most trivial reasons and it would be a shame to live a good and virtuous life only to end up next to us for eternity just because you overdid it with a Conair.