Quick Hitts

A high school project in New Jersey asked teens to design public policy.  They designed one that requires Big Brother to punish kids for making incorrect decisions, proving that government schools are doing a fine job of raising the next generation of sheep. The new bill would fine kids caught possessing tobacco or smoking in […]

People who despise the nanny state will sometimes say, “pretty soon the government is going tell us how to wipe our ass.” Florida has come one step closer to making that a reality, with a proposed law mandating that restaurants always have enough toilet paper on hand.  But they aren’t defining “enough.” Would this mean […]

Thailand’s Assumption University (yes, that’s their real name) asked 2400 teenagers if they were planning on having sex on Valentine’s day. 27% of them said “yeah, maybe.” Bangkok police, armed with the knowledge that teenagers never lie, especially about sex, are springing into action. They’re going to turn all the lights on at public parks, […]

New Mexico legislator Gail Chasey, evidently attempting to prove she can be as dim-witted as any Mississippi legislator, has teamed up with the Sierra Club to propose a tax on TVs and Video games. The money would be used to fight childhood obesity and improve education. If the people behind this proposal were educated in […]

Here’s yet another example of how difficult it is to write satire or parody in today’s world. Back in 1999 I wrote an article that ended with fast food workers being forbidden to serve fat people. It was intended as a joke. Now, from the brilliant brain trust that is Mississippi, comes proposed legislation to […]

How many mouth-breathing brain-dead adults can you find in this picture? A fourteen year old boy in Lewisville Texas applied some hand sanitizer that was on his fifth grade teachers desk.  He smelled it, but evidently inhaled too deeply. The school officials called the cops, who hauled him into the police department, photographed and fingerprinted […]

Inspired, perhaps, by California counties that have made it illegal for people to smoke in their own homes, the government is eager to continue expanding their tentacles into once private residences. The California Energy Commission wants to require all new homes, and remodeled homes, have special radio controlled thermostats which Big Brother could control. First […]