Last week Jessica Simpson was chastised by Pamela Anderson for wearing a shirt that said “Real Women Eat Meat.” Pamela was representing the brain trust PeTA.

When two intellects of this caliber have a philosophical disagreement, it should not be battled out in words. It should be battled out physically, with a wrestling match. The uniform should be white halter tops and shorty-shorts, and the arena should be a padded pit containing about three inches of baby oil.

Next week: Charlie Manson and David Berkowitz discuss the merits of the recent 2nd amendment decision.