Several people sent me this article by Michael Moore.  Once again he proves that he’s not just a genus, he’s a Super Genius, on a par with Wile E. Coyote.

He starts out expressing nearly orgasmic joy at the failure of GM.  He pretends he’s not really all that happy, but we can practically hear his groans of pleasure between the lines.

Here’s his Super Genius plan:

Just as President Roosevelt did after the attack on Pearl Harbor, the President must tell the nation that we are at war and we must immediately convert our auto factories to factories that build mass transit vehicles and alternative energy devices.

Right, because we all want to ride busses and trains with people we’d otherwise cross the street to avoid.  Because mass transit will work out so well in a country as spread out as the US.  And because somehow, we’ll manage to change “environmentalists” minds and get them to stop their opposing every large scale wind or solar farm because it might spoil their view or annoy a gerbil.

Don’t put another $30 billion into the coffers of GM to build cars. Instead, use that money to keep the current workforce — and most of those who have been laid off — employed so that they can build the new modes of 21st century transportation. Let them start the conversion work now.

These are union workers.  They’re used to being paid much more than they’re worth and doing as little work as possible.  I’ve done contract work for several union shops and could fill a small book with stories of outrageous behavior I’ve witnessed by union workers.  Behavior that would get me, as a contractor, fired before lunch.

Nowhere in his tirade does he mention that the unions were one very big factor in GM going bankrupt.  My guess is this thought has never even occurred to him.

Announce that we will have bullet trains criss-crossing this country in the next five years. Japan is celebrating the 45th anniversary of its first bullet train this year.

The United States has 300 million people spread out over is 3,790,000 square miles.  Japan packs 125 million people into 145,840 square miles.  The entire country could fit nicely within the borders of a couple of our states.  Mass transit can work well when the population is as dense as it is in Japan, but not across a country as spread out as we are.  Perhaps one of his fans can buy him a globe.

I have to admit I like the idea of super fast bullet trains that would let me get to anywhere in the country in a matter of hours.  I took a train from Albany to Atlanta and it was a 22 hour trip each way.  If I could do that in, say, six or seven hours, and do it cheaply, I’d go to Atlanta a lot more often.  But in order for that to work they’d have to travel non-stop – lots of stops along the way would ruin their efficiency.  So as long as they all start or stop in Albany or Saratoga, and go non-stop to the cities I want to visit, great, I’ll use them.

Initiate a program to put light rail mass transit lines in all our large and medium-sized cities. Build those trains in the GM factories. And hire local people everywhere to install and run this system.

This can work in large cities, but not in smaller or medium sized cities.  Which is, of course, why he wants to get rid of cars entirely – he’ll force people to use mass transit, no matter how inconvenient and impractical it may be.

For people in rural areas not served by the train lines, have the GM plants produce energy efficient clean buses.

Depending on the time of day, people in a city may only have to wait twenty minutes to an hour to get a bus.  People in the country can just wait hours and hours to get where they want to go, perhaps pulling out their banjos and brushing up on the theme from Deliverance while they’re waiting. And it doesn’t matter how efficient a bus is – if there are only a few people on it having them drive their own cars would use much less energy.  Only a Super Genius would think this is a great plan.

For the time being, have some factories build hybrid or all-electric cars (and batteries). It will take a few years for people to get used to the new ways to transport ourselves, so if we’re going to have automobiles, let’s have kinder, gentler ones. We can be building these next month (do not believe anyone who tells you it will take years to retool the factories — that simply isn’t true).

Ahem, Mikey, we are building them.  And some people are buying them.  And as the technology gets better and cheaper more people will buy them.  Of course, that still doesn’t address the issue of where the electricity will come from.

And if  a factory could be retooled quickly, wouldn’t the people who have run those factores have figured out how to do it by now?

But note that this is only a temporary solution, until he can force everyone to share public transportation with people they don’t like.  People like, for instance, Mr. Moore.  (How would you like to sit next to him on a long bus ride?)

Transform some of the empty GM factories to facilities that build windmills, solar panels and other means of alternate forms of energy. We need tens of millions of solar panels right now. And there is an eager and skilled workforce who can build them.

Windmills, yeah, they could do that.  Solar panels, not so much.  It’s an entirely different technology.  And again, what good is all this alternative energy when every installation of it, with the possible exception of solar panels on your roof, is vehemently opposed by “ecologists?”

Provide tax incentives for those who travel by hybrid car or bus or train. Also, credits for those who convert their home to alternative energy.

Already done for hybrids and home conversions.  Pay attention, Mikey.  Learn to use the internet.

To help pay for this, impose a two-dollar tax on every gallon of gasoline. This will get people to switch to more energy saving cars or to use the new rail lines and rail cars the former autoworkers have built for them.

Because we just don’t pay enough to Big Brother.  We really need to spend hundreds or thousands of dollars more in taxes every year.  And of course we can trust BB to spend the money wisely, because they always have, haven’t they?

Free clue, Sparky:  We love our cars, and are not going to give them up.  I can get in my car at any time of the day or night, without waiting in the wind or the rain or the snow, and go whenever I want, by the shortest possible route, without having to transfer once or twice or three times to another vehicle, then come back whenever I want.  If I’m out buying stuff I can put it in the car and not have to carry it with me for the entire return trip.  I can smoke a cigar and listen to whatever music or podcast I’m in the mood for, or ride in complete silence if I like.  I’m not going to give that up, and neither is anyone else.  Ever.

Here’s my suggestion – let Michael run General Motors.  Let him deal with the unions he loves so much and the realities of the marketplace.  Let him try to use his skills as a propaganda machine to run a real business.  It should be easy for a Super Genius like him.