Turning off the lights and burning candles instead might feel good, but it occurred to me it probably puts more CO2 in the air than just leaving the lights on.  I wasn’t sure how to calculate the numbers, so Googled the information, and found someone else had already done the math.

Still, I enjoy meaningless symbolism, and wanted to participate in a way that really would help the environment.  I visited a protest rally where “environmentalists” were opposing solar and wind power in the Mohave Desert.  I had been at such rallies before, where I bitch slapped a few people while screaming, “It’s the fucking desert, you morons!”  Surprisingly, that was ineffective, but this time I had something different in mind.

I introduced myself to the greasiest hippie I could find and invited him to celebrate Earth Hour at my home.  When the appointed hour arrived I shut off all my lights and invited him to join me and my neighbors in the back yard.

We told him he was the guest of honor, and formed a circle around him.  Then I set him on fire, and we all laughed and laughed in the bright light of Hippie Fire.  (That’s why I picked a greasy one.  They’re easier to light and burn longer and brighter.)

Now, I’m not a cruel man.  I didn’t want to cause him any unnecessary pain, so before immolating him, I knocked him unconsciousness with the club I use to hunt baby seals.

We all had a grand time, although a few of the neighbors on the downwind side of the circle said the smoke made them light headed, for some reason.  Not only did we have a nice bright light to help celebrate our environmental awareness, we felt good knowing we had helped the planet -  there is now one less protester against renewable energy.

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Edited to Add:  This Video, from the Competitive Enterprise Institute, sums up my feelings about Earth Hour.